Broken
by sciencegeeky
Summary: Life in the cookie-cutter perfect North Shore of Chicago isn't as perfect as it seems like it should be. But it takes a sing, a best friends, and one stupidly brave action to show it.


**A/N: This was inspired by the included song, Merry-Go-Round, but Kacey Musgraves. Once again, credit to my cowriter and sister. Kankri is sort of OOC in this, but I explained it. Sorry to anyone I annoyed! **

**This is pretty dark, but it's not as bad as it seems, I promise.**

It was a good day, that day. That 20-year-old Mary girl his dad was with wasn't there. Mary's boyfriend (some guy called Alex who worked for some guy called Paul) probably had no idea she was hooking up with a forty-year-old guy. There was some married lady in this whole clusterfuck, who was married to the guy called Paul, who was cheating on Paul or some shit. This was all just so fucked up.

Kankri was in his (smoky-smelling) room, probably doing crack again, while also filling out college application forms for Harvard. Ever since someone put some drugs in his drink at some school dance last year, Kankri hadn't been the same. Much as Karkat disliked his brother's social justice rants, stupid "trigger warnings," and of course that stupid red sweater, he missed his old brother.

Things had been fucked up around here for a long, long time.

Karkat stomped to his room. It was a good day because no one had invited him or herself over, forcing his dad and his brother and him to hide all the evidence that something was wrong.

He hadn't gotten too much shit at school today, not like some of his friends. People mostly ignored him, knowing that he would lash out and hurt them. But he'd seen people stealing Nepeta's hat and throwing it around over her head. If that wasn't immature, middle-school-level bullying, he didn't know what was.

He should've helped.

But it was too late now. He locked the door to his room and pulled a key out of his pocket. He jiggled the key in the lock for a second, prying a drawer open. Inside sat three sharp blades.

He pulled the blades out from under the ancient schoolwork he hid them with (not like anyone cared enough to go looking) and set them on the desk. The sharp blades on his desk winked up at him, almost daring him to pink them up. He reached for the blade and slowly rolled up his sleeve. Suddenly, the door slammed open. He jumped and brushed the blades off his desk. Except he'd closed the drawer. So the shiny metal landed on the floor.

Shit.

"Whoa, dude," Gamzee said, bending over to pick up the metal pieces. "Are these…but, you don't get bullied all that much…why'd you do that?"

"Oh, I don't know," Karkat said, deeply sarcastic. "Maybe when your mom left you for some rich douche and your dad is hooking up with some twenty-year-old chick and your brother's hooked on crack even though he's the 'perfect child', and it's becoming perfectly care that no one cares about you anyways, you start to feel like your life isn't exactly worth anything anymore!" His sadness spilled over into his voice and he doubled over in his desk chair so his head was resting on his knees and no one could see his pained face. His whole body shook as he tried not to sob.

"Bro, why don't you like, tell someone? I mean, like Vriska. Her sister's always busy with her job and shit because she's saving for college cuz their mom won't pay, so she never pays any mind to Vriska. And her mom's all alcoholic and doing illegal shit. And Terezi's mom is always stopping her, so that's why those two are always mad and shit. And Terezi's mom is never around cuz even in Deerbrook, there's all sorts of crime, and her sister can't smell and she's always getting food-poisoned and going to the hospital and Terezi was sayin' how she does it cuz maybe their mom will stay home for a bit. And apparently Latula doesn't care that Sollux's bro is always banging other chicks because he forgets he's with her because he's…uh…clickingly insane.'" _Clinically insane_, Karkat mental translated. Gamzee continued. "And sometimes Mituna's all nice and shit but then he loses it and gets drunk and bangs chicks and breaks shit. And their dad usually is with Fef's mom and practically being her slave and shit, it's weird as fuck, cuz Fefsis's mom sorta mind-controls him and shit when she's not busy embezzling the city of Chi-town and the state of Sick-inois." _Chicago and Illinois_, Karkat thought _I think_. "And her sister's in a gang and shit and she and Damara sometimes bang cuz it pisses off Meenah's mom cuz she's…homeoprobic."

"You mean homophobic," Karkat interrupted.

"Yeah," Gamzee nodded, continuing his story. "And Damara is all fucked over cuz her mom's like, a murderer for the FBI so she goes put for days at a time and murders and shit. And Damara's hooked on cigarettes and pot and alcohol and she had a baby removal last year."

"An abortion," Karkat corrected.

Gamzee continued like he hadn't heard. Maybe he hadn't. "And the dad was Cronus. He got in deep shit for it and his dad beat the shit out of him. Eridan too. Eribro's got plenty of is own bruises, though."

Karkat stared at his friend, mouth gaping, as Gamzee continued. "And Kanaya's mom is all about how…a woman's…place in society is…the kitchen. I think. And Porrim went and said, 'No way in hell,' and now she's banging guys and gals left and right but also being all protective of Kanaya and shit, so no one knows what's up with her." The stories grew a bit more disjointed, less of one-as-many and more many-as-one. "And Equius's dad is all quiet and never really talks, and Equius says he's a hermit crab, and he never really talks to anyone so Equius doesn't really have a parent and that's why he's so fucked up soshlally. His bro ain't much better, because he sorta pretends not to know how bad Rufioh's cheating. But Rufioh just bangs another chick every weekend, like his dad. And that shit's loud, so Tavbro doesn't get enough sleep and his letters are nosediving. So he's all down."

Karkat barely registered that "letters" meant grades. His friend was so weird.

"And Nepeta's sister is all mind-controlled and shit so she's always stealing shit and then my bro and her are together and they bang sometimes. And then her mom is married but she's cheating with this other guy called Freud or Sigmund or—"

"Wait WHAT?"

"Yeah, this dude who's—"

"THAT'S MY DAD!"

"Yeah, your dad and Nepeta's mom are banging but she's married and he's cheating on her with some 20-year-old called Mauve or Mary or some shit, and she's got this boyfriend called Alan—or Alex, and he works for Nepeta's mom, whose cousin is the Mary girl."

"THAT IS MY FUCKING FATHER!"

"Sh…sh…keep it on the down low," Gamzee said, completely serene.

"My dad is cheating on a married chick with a teenager down the street and my brother is addicted to crack! I can't just not be a tiny fucking bit upset!"

"Well…yeah…then there's my family," Gamzee shrugged, offering a toothy grin that seemed to convey how completely fucked up is family was. "And you know Rose and Dave? Her mom and his bro are their mom and dad. It was a one-night stand and then Ma'am Lalonde was all pregnant with twins and she gave one to bro because she couldn't afford both. There was a whole custody battle and shit. And they always knew but Rose's mom said she couldn't tell and Dave was scared to tell. Oh yeah, and John and Jade. Their mom died having them and their dad couldn't keep Jade around cuz she looked too much like her mom so crazy grandpa adopted Jade and they didn't know till…yesterday, maybe two days ago. We're like two circles, us twelve and them four…but I guess four is more of a square…"

Karkat nearly passed out. "Why doesn't anybody just talk about this?" he wondered aloud.

"You don't, bro," Gamzee pointed out.

"Oh my gog—you're right. I'm such a fucking hypocrite," Karkat said suddenly, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes.

"Bro, don't worry. We're all going through some deep shit."

"How did you find all this out?"

"People just come and tell me and I work my miracles. Usually by that broken merry-go-round we all played on when we were kids. Man, that thing was such a fucking miracle…but now it's all broken and covered with plants and when people come to the diner where we sell drugs and ask to see me, we just go to the merry-go-round and they tell me what's wrong."

"Why, because you're so stoned they think you'll forget by morning?"

"I dunno, bro. I guess so."

"Does anyone tell you…tell you if they…uh…"

"Yeah. You know how Rose always wears those cardigans?"

"Those fucking awful things? Yeah."

"It's cuz she does the same things you do, cuz kids give her shit for her smarts and her black lipstick and her girlfriend and how she's sorta weird. And her mom's all alcoholic and shit, so she's sort of alone."

Karkat gaped at his best friend. But Gamzee wasn't done yet.

"Some others, too. Dave…Vriska…Terezi…she blinded herself cuz Vriska was being a bitch and her mom might be around more. Didn't work, and she blames Vriska…oh yeah, and Eridan…not to mention Sollbro…Nepeta takes a lot of shit, but she mostly cries it out and wears a lot of concealer to cover the fact that her face is always red, she says…Equius, too, but he just doesn't do anything…John has a couple scars from a rope on his neck…Kanaya helps Tavbro with makeup and shit so his face doesn't look so tired and flip out the school system…"

"Wait—_Tavros_ doesn't trust the school?" Karkat asked in shock.

"Fuck, bro, I don't think anyone does."

The next day was a Monday.

It was the first day since 8th grade that he wore short sleeves to school.

He had his sweatshirt on most of the day, of course. No need to get sent to the counselor's office before 5th period lunch, when he was planning to throw it all out in the open. But dammit, he was shaking like the first time Kankri tried to quit. He could barely fill out the worksheets, fill in the bubbles on the Scantron quiz in third period Precalc, barely even hold a pencil by fourth Honors English (how the hell had he tested into that class?). He felt weak on his feet as he walked to lunch. He mindlessly bought some food, trending cheap. He sat down at the table, threw off his hoodie, and said, "It fucking sucks, doesn't it?"

Of all of them, it was probably Sollux who was the least surprised. Karkat's best friend crossed his arms and looked down.

To Karkat's surprise, Rose took off her cardigan to reveal her own scars. To cover the shocked look, he turned to Nepeta. "About your mom and my dad…"

She nodded miserably. "I hate it," she said. "My dad's not even around enough to know."

He turned to Eridan. "About your brother and…yeah. Sorry."

Eridan nodded for a minute. "Wait!" he shouted suddenly. "How did you know about that? The only person I EVER told was…" He turned to glare at Gamzee. The others realized, one by one—tell one, tell all. Every single one of them turned and glared at Gamzee. "Motherfucking miracles," he said, falling backwards off the cafeteria bench.

"What about you?" Sollux asked quietly.

"Mom left for some rich guy. Dad's cheating on Nepeta's mom with some Mary chick down the street. Brother's hooked on crack."

"We're like that one song," Aradia said, "_You're_ like that one song. Merry-go-round, do you know it?"

"By Kaley Must-grapes," Gamzee said, sitting back up.

"Kacey Musgraves," Aradia corrected gently.

"Let's sing!" Gamzee exclaimed, standing up.

"We can't let him stand alone," Karkat said.

"Fair enough," Aradia said. And suddenly, all sixteen of them were on their feet and the whole of fifth-period lunch was staring as they sang, "Mama's hooked on Mary Kay, brother's hooked on Mary Jane, Daddy's hooked on Mary two doors down. Mary, Mary, quite contrary, we get bored so we get married, and just like dust we settle in this town, on this broken merry-go-round."

Everyone in the biggest lunch in school was staring at them, mouths gaping. Kankri was wide-eyed, and his fork had tumbled onto the floor. But they didn't stop there. All their voices grew stronger as the next lyrics rang out. "Round and round and round we go, where it stops, nobody knows. And it ain't slowing down, this merry-go-round."

By the end of the refrain, even the evil history teacher, Mrs. Corrigan, was staring. She ran over to the sixteen of them and said, "No singing! All of you, sit back down NOW!"

Karkat never knew where he found the bravery to say it, but he did. "Shut the fuck up."

The entire cafeteria cheered.

"No swearing on school property!" she added.

Nepeta's voice, Jade's joining quickly after, rang through the room. "Fuck fuck fuckety fuck bitch slut whore skank ass shit shit damn hell FUCK!"

Now everyone was staring in shock again as the two most innocent girls in school practically cursed out a _teacher_. Mrs. Corrigan, too!

"All sixteen of you, principal's office, now!" the sour-faced woman shouted. They complied, holding their heads high, somehow still running on adrenalin.

Karkat had never before been so glad to see finals approaching before.

A whole summer for everyone to forget. Two weeks and finals week (three total) left of school. Maybe this wouldn't come back to haunt him and his friends next year.

Who was he kidding? Who could forget the sixteen kids who stood up about how life sucks under cookie-cutter, suburban surface, who stood up to Mrs. Corrigan, who have scars on their wrists and necks and bags under their eyes, who hide in their gray little worlds for fear of the bullies, who have finally stood up and screamed?

Shit, they'd probably be one of the school legends people tell.

Fuck.

They called the kids in two at a time. "Eridan Ampora, Mr. Ampora, Sollux Captor, Mr. Captor."

"Egbert. Harley."

"Lalonde. Leijon."

"Makara. Maryam."

Karkat was starting to get nervous. Eridan looked terrified, although he was looking at his livid father. Nepeta looked…vindicated? He didn't know. Gamzee was, almost habitually, rubbing his neck, and Karkat thought he noticed strangle marks on his friend's neck.

"Megido. Nitram."

"Peixes. Pyrope."

"Serket. Strider."

Vriska looked like she was nervous, but hiding it. Feferi looked furious, weirdly enough. Tavros looked extremely scared, although that was normal. Terezi was wearing her usual shit-eating grin. Other people's expressions were making Karkat nauseous.

"Vantas. Zahhak."

Finally.

Karkat's dad was clearly not sure how to react. "Son," he said. "That was very wrong. Please apologize to your teacher." How old was he, five?

"Sorry, Mrs. Corrigan," Karkat droned, clearly not believing the words. "Can I go to Chem now? I have to…study for finals," he fibbed, hoping for an easy out.

"Go," the principal said. "You will all need good grades on your finals to pass."

_Well, that sounded ominous_.

Karkat came home that day to his brother sitting awkwardly on the couch. "Karkat," he said. "We need to talk."

Karkat nodded.

"I hope you know…I am trying to quit. I really am." Kankri looked close to tears. "I have to stop…" Fear ran down his brother's face.

"If you really want to stop…" Karkat said. "Money. Now." Kankri reluctantly handed it over. "Joint," Karkat added, and Kankri once again handed it over gingerly.

"You're all I've got left," Karkat confessed, his voice cracking. "Don't go dying on me now."

Kankri nodded, lying down on the couch for a nap and pulling a blanket over himself.

The next day was SAT or something day for juniors, so Karkat went to work. When he came home from worl, Kankri was shaking like a leaf on the couch, clutching Latula's arm like a lifeline while she soothed him, saying, "It's alright, bro, you'll be okay."

Karkat checked his watch. It was well past midnight. Kankri was always asleep by now.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" he asked.

"I can't," Kankri replied, his voice shaking badly. "And my head…" He rocked back and forth, clutching his forehead.

"I'm helping," Latula said. "It'll be a month or so before he feels better."

"Seriously?"

"Probably less."

"How do you know?"

"I've seen it before," she said, and her face looked so hopelessly sad for a moment that Karkat left for his room.

Oh bloody hell.

School tomorrow.

Including first period with Mrs. Corrigan.

Shit.

But she didn't say a word as he walked into his European History class and sat down. She just gave him a look. As he puled out his notebook and pencil, he couldn't help but hope that maybe, just maybe, she was listening.


End file.
